Demisexuality and emotional connection in an adult online context.
It’s hard to explain to someone you are not shy or having to explain the connection concept to someone who is interested in you, but you lack that connection. One of the most difficult times in my teenager life was precisely trying to understand what was going on with me.
Not feeling sexual attraction from the first time you met someone is difficult to explain, even to your inner circle.You learn how to life with being missunderstood and the “shy” dude tag all your life.
But i’m not going to explain what Demisexuality is.
I’m going to explain what demisexuality is in an adult industry online context. For “real” life contexts there are plenty of articles, some very well explained like this one.
Demisexuality in an adult online context
To feel sexual attraction in a fantasy environment like adult industry online you need to establish a bond. That bond is born due social interaction and not always, it just simply may happen.
You can be bond even to a fantasy persona but there is a catch. If that fantasy persona behaviour changes then everything comes down.
It’s a fact that it’s easier to an interpreted persona to change behaviour than a real person.
That person may be the most beautiful human being on earth and you still feel cero sexual attraction. No matter what, you just don’t feel sexual attraction 95% of the time.
You are completly inmune to any adult media, except online realtime interaction.
It’s not you are seeking a wife or a girlfriend online. You seek a bond, because you are not asexual.
It’s like the sexual instincts are on hibernation mode until you feel a bond with someone.
Adult explicit social media looks ridiculous to me but i understand i’m different and that media works well 90% of the time. Except for us, demi’s.
“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”
Daniel Goleman
A demisexual is not a Sapiosexual, i had my fair share of people mixing both concepts. Demisexual is all about feelings.
Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is key to isolate contexts and remain in control of your emotions more over if you try to mix emotions and adult industry. But it’s possible, with communication and patience you may prove you are not a stalker or a lonely guy seeking a wife.
My second teenager life…explaining why i act the way i do to some strangers…oh well.
The online context gives you freedom to come and go without harming anyone feelings, that’s an advantage vs real life. The bond or connection is a need, no matter if it’s online or not.
Sexual attraction comes as secondary , what is important is to enjoy a bond with someone. Call it friendzone like that article i mentioned before.
That’s so true, we are the friendzone dwellers. A calm context, intimate and with a good conversation is the most sexy thing ever in an online context. Fantasy or not what matters is the feeling. With a well developed emotional intelligence, you can just jump in and out from Wonderland safely.
Once you find someone , great , the contextual relationship may be exclusive to that person and you may just enjoy your connection.
The caveat
In a transactional context you can’t go blindly trying to connect because time is money and connection can’t be seeked.
Here is why social media is so important . It may give you a glimpse about someone and give a hint if you would like or not that person.
So the first thing i learned is to communicate my boundaries crystal clear and if that fails then take the loss and move on until i feel the need to bond again.
But adult online industry may be a valid tool, under certain conditions to satisfy a demisexual need of connection at the sametime you train emotional intelligence.
Two birds with the same stone. Emotional intelligence provides you with all the tools. The highest your emotional intelligence the safer and more enjoyable is the experience.
Emotional intelligence benefits
Voluntary Detachment is one of the best “try again” buttons for us feelers
Online context may teach you a lot how to handle emotions and the experience may be helpfull in real life. Online interactions are valid to sharpen your emotional intelligence skills, you get strangers willing to talk anytime in intimacy.
Everything can be trained voluntary detachment, intuition, empathy you call it.
No one is holding hands if you use adult industry online interactions as a way to be social. But it’s a real interactive enviroment and depends on each one skills to earn value or not, but the value is there.
Online adult may be consumed as an (emotional) investment and not as an expenditure.
As weird as it sounds, online interaction is a valuable resource if you know what you are doing and wich are the limits. Not everything must be explicit.
A connection is a channel for emotions without it everything is dull and tasteless. There may be a niche for good conversations ,connections requiring authenticity without losing privacy.
The ones seeking a connection are catalogued as platonic romeos ,this is far from true.
What comes first? the egg or the chicken?
Emotional intelligence shields you from this.
So many articles i have seen written about Demisexuals but not many wrote by real ones and with a background. My relationship with the adult industry comes from years ago.
A demisexual consumer and adult content:
- Not interested in explicity at all.
- Not interested in aggresive behaviours.
- The only interesting service is live online interaction (cams).
- Can’t handle the multiple personalities marketting message,today a girl next door tomorrow a dominatrix.
- Even in fantasy it must be consistent.
- Disrespectful enviroments are a no go.
- Intimacy.
Being a good conversationalist is a must, you can be authentic yet private,i should know.
When everything is designed Pavlov style to motivate lust and you are unable to feel lust without connection you feel like a secondary actor.
I said it, because that’s the true. There are some weird situations when you talk to some top model and notice after a time she is wearing a bikini or plain linguerie. You are so inmersed that you didn’t realized that.
Our lust is attachment, can’t happen visually.
And i never mentioned the word love. Because a bond is just a vehicle for emotions and being in control of your emotional state discards falling in love with performers. Heck, you don’t fall in love with actors in the movies if you are mentally stable, let’s be real.
There are mentally healthy people using adult online services too, not everyone is seeking love, broken or an addict.
That’s far from true. I’m healthy enough with my bondaries and i’m not ashamed to say it. Maybe the usage i found of it is not common but it works for me.
I just need one person to understand it anyways.
Online relationships may fall into the platonic spectrum for some, im not going to debate that. To me is more of a bond relationship, a kind of relationship that let me enjoy me the hole array of feelings i’m usually denied unlike the majority.
Demisexuals may use adult online services like everyone else but in a different way.
Just be openminded and don’t judge others, what appears to be one thing may turn different if you are aware of the context.